Hey all.
I realized that you all back home have no idea what I’m
doing here in Australia and b/c I love y’all you should. J Just prep yourself. This gets a little philosophical. And edgy perhaps. lol
How am I? I’m loving
the beach. Loving living close to it and
having the ability to drive 20 minutes and be there. I’m loving the hot weather over the Washington
rain and coldness. I love you all and
miss you but I also am working on a darn good tan right now. ;) Oregon
beaches are just not the same. Of
course, they are awesome for their own reason but that reason doesn’t include
warmth. Sorry to rub it in.
I’ve decided I’m staying here until at least July. There so much I haven’t done yet and how
often do you really get to live in Australia?!
I want to go camping down south and go up north. Don’t worry…. I’m not looking at this for
life. I do miss home. I do want to go back and start the college
world athletic thing. Right now, though,
this is so good. I don’t feel a pull to go back quite yet b/c
of the friends I’ve made here. I want to
have some fun and play and working solely to do that. That is really good for me right now. A slower lifestyle. Less stress overall. Just be and play.
Part of me feels bad b/c I should be doing this or
that. Then there’s the internal seizing
up accompanied by guilt. I saw something
the other day that says nothing messes up our reality more than the picture in
our head that says this is how it should be.
You can add to that that nothing messes up your life more than the undue
pressure we put on ourselves to make our life something like what everyone
expects it to me. Follow that? Yeah exactly.
We have this picture in our head we’ve created based on the pressures we
feel from everyone else on how life is or should be. Never mind that people often say many things
that they don’t themselves live but think you should.
Anyway, off the soap box.
That point is what I’m living right now---there’s no picture that I’m
trying to mold my life to. I’m living
what I feel and for those of you who know me, you know that I don’t often know
what I’m feeling at my one moment nor can I even begin to express it. Luckily I’ve had friends here who have guided
me in that process. I’ve been caught up
in the ‘I should’ for longer than I’d like to admit. Especially for someone who has preached individuality
and strength of independence, I cared more about how I fit and what people
thought or expected than I knew or understood.
Right now, I feel like staying so I’m going to. Easy as that.
I’m going to find a job.
Probably work a bunch of temp work.
Will that go great on my resume (aka CV here)? Eh, does it matter right
now? I’ll put it on there and work a
bunch of jobs. When I get back, when
asked I’ll say “You know what? I was in
a place where I had worked so hard for so long in such an emotional job. I needed to be in a place away from
everything else and just be and work and redefine who I was and what I am and
just really decompress and reset boundaries.”
That's one thing I've learned since I've been here I suck at setting boundaries and have been burned by it. Live and learn, right?
So that’s I’m doing and we’ll see how this goes. And I don’t care if people agree or not with
any part of that.
J
